Fun deficit.

I'm exhausted. Today is considered a "day off" for me. I just got home from work, it's 6 AM. I go back to work tomorrow at 6 AM. So I have to decide if I want to stay awake all morning/afternoon and go to bed tonight, or go to bed now, get up for a few hours, and go back to bed. Thing is, I'm exhausted. My job is physical. My hands are raw and dry - what would I even do with all that time?

I told Ben today that I think I've been bitchy because I'm operating on a "fun deficit." My sleep schedule is so screwy from working three early morning shifts and two/three overnights in any given week, I don't even know what day it is anymore. The single night that I have off, i.e. that I am not at work, or needing to be at work early, is Friday night. By then I'm so exhausted and my internal timer is so confused I always end up passing out shortly after work and being a cranky mess all night. Saturday? Forget it. I get some laundry done, some cleaning up, maybe read a bit, and then back to bed for 7am Sunday morning.

I wish I could just hand my keys to someone and say "YOU do it this week." This schedule is almost as challeging as the 12-14 hour salaried days. I don't even get two days off in a row again until I take paid time off to go meet my new nephew, sometime in May or June. Vacation this summer? Who knows, it doesn't seem to matter if i request time off anymore, it seems. I even requested Ben's birthday weekend off so we could do something fun, but got scheduled for it anyway. It's not like we could do much of anything, as the money situation has gone beyond the realm of 'tight' and into the stratosphere of nonexistence. Still, a weekend to spend with him would be nice.

I think my litany of sorrows is complete for this morning. I guess me and the cat are headed off to bed afterall.